Here’s a first page preview of Chapter 4 of If you want to be my girlfriend. The anonymous author may be someone you know, but I can’t reveal who he is!
—————————————————- CHAPTER 4: Why do I love? Because we structure or allow others to structure our relationships in ways that contradict what we really want.
—————————————————-
I love because I want:
Feminine energy
Sex
Romance
Visual stimulation
Ego boost
Personal growth
What I don’t have
“I feel like there’s no place for me in your life,” my Thai girlfriend said to me with a sigh.
“What do you mean?” I asked her.
“Well, it’s like you don’t really need me,” she continued. “You can cook for yourself. You don’t let me clean your apartment. I feel like there’s nothing I can do for you.”
“Well, it’s nice that you want to do those things for me, sweetie. However, there’s nothing you need to do for me. I want you around because you’re a woman. That’s something I can’t do for myself. Just show up. I like your energy. I like the way you think, and it’s okay if you just come over and we talk. That’s enough.”
Why are people unhappy?
It’s obvious to me that the cause of relationship unhappiness is that people make promises that are inconsistent with their true selves, their wiring or their will. As a result…[READ MORE]
Want more? Download the introduction and entire first chapter, or order the paperback, pdf, kindle or nook at www.DexterStyle.com
This week I was in Augusta, Georgia. Why, you ask? Well, I’d like to tell you, but if I did, I’d have to–you know–let’s just say that in the interest of national security, and your continued existence, it’s better that you NOT know. Okay, Okay, I’ll tell you, but you have to promise not to say anything if any men in black suits visit you and ask about it, okay?
I was at a top-secret military establishment, doing a top secret workshop, where I shared some top secrets. On a serious note, my agreement to do the workshop came after a lot of contemplation and reconciliation with my ethics, but I’ll save those details for a future post or article.
Since I was just a 2-hour bus ride away, I decided to take a Greyhound to Atlanta to visit with friends. It seems that everyone I know has moved to Atlanta.
So, I’m sitting on the bus, settling in for the two-hour ride, and while scanning the interior of the bus, I see a “WI-FI” sign! My heart skips a beat! Excitedly, I pull out my laptop and scan for a signal, and voila! Hi-speed internet access on a bus going 80 miles an hour down a highway! It’s been years since I’ve taken a Greyhound, so I was unaware just how far we as a society have come.Can life get any better than this?
First stop was a visit to see Cristy and Ricky! Surely you remember Cristy from Colombia and Ricky from Guatemala? Come on now! They are the couple I met while on Saipan, who’d been to 129 countries at the time (I’m sure it’s more by now, but I forgot to ask), and who I interviewed and wrote about for the Saipan Tribune.
They are the ones who encouraged me to throw caution to the wind and venture out on my own to China! I thank them every time I see them. They were responsible for me becoming “Jamaican in China!”
Hanging out with Cristy and visiting friends from Colombia.Cristy’s on the far left in pink, and my hand is on Ricky’s shoulder
Stay tuned! Cristy’s been showing me photos of Quindio, Colombia, and I have a strange feeling I might be Jamaican in Colombia soon!
Did I mention it was 105F in Atlanta? My kind of weather! See the thermometer reading on the rear view window?
Then the Wandering Walt was handed off from Cristy to my good friend, Anika.
Cristy, Anika and the Jamaican. Your time to watch him, kiddo!
Of course, no trip to any new destination would be complete without a quest for a vegan restaurant. So, I reconnected with my good friend, Princess Dixon, who New Yorkers might remember was a regular vendor at the West Indian Day celebration on Eastern Parkway, and started out vending on the corner of Church Street and Vesey in Lower Manhattan which is where we first met. Princess and her partner, Kwadwo, are now the proud owners of Healthful Essence Restaurant in Atlanta! This restaurant’s got everything! It’s vegan soulfood with a Caribbean flavor! I’m in heaven again!
Princess and Kwadwo in front of Healthful Essence, 875 York Ave in the west end of Atlanta
And, if you can’t make it to Atlanta, but want to sample some of the meals I had while there, check out Princess’ cookbook!
visit the site to order the cookbook at HealthfullEssence.com, and check out her Youtube promo video featuring a delicious look at Raw Pizza, Un-fish cakes, Roti and more!
And then, it was back to New York!
On the AirTrain from JFK airport to Queens!
I finally got out of the house to check out one of the concerts listed on my FreeSummerConcerts.com site. It was, none other than Ky-mani Marley!
From Wikipedia: Ky-mani is a Jamaican reggae and dancehall artist whose East African name means Adventurous Traveler. The only child of table tennis champion Anita Belnavis and reggae icon Bob Marley, Ky-mani Marley was born in Falmouth, Jamaica!
It was like back in my radio deejay days! A front row seat to see a Reggae icon!
Okay. Seems no one else is going to say it, so I may as well. Rachel Maddow is bound by certain rules of conduct, and I, too, want to keep the discourse from devolving to certain levels. I believe, Mike Adams at naturalnews.com is hinting at it, too. Therefore, I’ll share a link to his site to help you as you make your decision for this year’s presidential election.
Okay, I haven’t posted in a while as I’ve been busy releasing a new product for my company. In the middle of all this writing and editing, however, a fellow webmaster, Winston Wu, over at HappierAbroad.com, sent me an email about an issue involving free speech, forum rules of conduct, and banning violators on his website. So, I thought I’d share my opinion with you, too:
Hey Winston,
Very interesting posts in that thread.
ONE:
Personally, I’m a dictator at heart. (I’d like to think I’m a benevolent one, though).
However, anyone who uses foul language in an email to me is removed from my list. There’s no 3 strikes here. You’re simply out. That’s just me. I have certain standards of behavior that I don’t compromise. (On the internet, what you say is your behavior”)
Example:
I have a free, donate-if-you-wish website, called https://www.freesummerconcerts.com that, for the past 7 years has provided a compilation of all the free events in NY via weekly email. People donate hundreds of dollars each summer for the convenience. A fellow recently joined my list and wrote an email to me (editing is mine):
“Why would I pay for this s–t that’s free everywhere else? “
He was removed from my list. No need for me to put up with this. I won’t do it for money. I certainly won’t do it “for free.”
[Voice of Seinfeld’s “soup Nazi”: “No emails for you!”]
TWO:
In my opinion, people have misinterpreted the concept of free speech.
1. First of all, just because speech is “free,” doesn’t mean anyone is interested in what you have to say. :-)
2. Secondly, just because speech is “free,” doesn’t mean you need to share, or share what you want to say in an offensive way. While our society may have accepted lewdness and crassness as simply an expression of “free speech,” I believe there are still commonly agreed-upon practices of civil interaction, that are necessary to enforce to avoid devolving as humans.
3. Thirdly, but, most importantly, As far as the American model is concerned, “free speech” simply means there are no laws on the books that will be used to punish you–and for a country ostensibly governed by the “rule of law” that’s a good thing. HOWEVER, freedom of speech does NOT mean you have freedom from consequences. The universe is governed by the law of cause and effect. Just because you are legally protected, doesn’t mean there are no consequences to your behavior.
On a spiritual level, free speech is not free of consequences. Negative energy breeds itself and, as one of your members predicts, bad behavior may ultimately have a negative effect on the mood and mission on the Happier Abroad site.
On a practical, day-to-day level, free speech is also not free of consequences. People will react and respond and there are consequences. Oprah had the freedom to say on her show that everyone should become vegetarian. There were consequences. She was sued by the meat lobby.
Rush Limbaugh had the freedom to say on his show what he did about Sandra Fluke, etc..etc..you get my point
If this is your first time visiting my blog, then listen up! You’ve missed some of the most exciting, insightful, inspiration and fun adventures of me in China! But don’t worry, in the same way that I “reloaded” the Life Rhymes so that you can enjoy them once a week like they were originally meant to be enjoyed, I’ve now reloaded my Jamaican in China adventure! Yes, every real-time, as-it-happened email that I sent to my friends and followers can now be experienced in a surprise email straight to your in-box! That’s right, my entire 6-month adventure beginning with the loss of my passport and ultimate departure from Saipan straight through my time in Beijing, Kunming, Xishuangbanna, Hainan, Laos, Singapore and back to Saipan!
No need to scroll through the archives in one sitting! Just sign up, and sit back! And let me do all the work! It’ll be just like watching old Seinfeld re-runs, except it’s me, um without the entourage and the quirky theme music!
JUST SIGN UP HERE! The re-runs will keep you entertained while I work on a new book and whine about being “stuck” here in New York!
If you’re reading this by email, then most likely you’ve been on my list for a while and already experienced the magic of my last China adventure! If you’ve signed up in the last day, then you’re already set to receive China Reloaded.
Now, if you’ve already experienced it all, but for some strange reason, you DO want to receive the re-runs, FIRST UN-subscribe using the link at the bottom of this email, and then RE-subscribe and your re-runs will begin right away (that is, IF this darned automated system works the way it’s supposed to!)
Where were YOU and what were YOU doing between 1997 and 2006??? If you weren’t among the 20,000 people on the world famous “Walt’s Friday Inspirations” mailing list, then you missed out on something truly amazing! But, don’t worry! through the magic of technology, you can now sign up to receive the “just like it was” weekly email of these timeless Life Rhymes! Yes, Life Rhymes timeless! Life Rhymes show up in your life just when you need them like MAGIC! And, now,, Life Rhymes are back…RELOADED!! And you can experience them in 2012! Trust me, and trust the testimonials of 20,000 people who experienced them before, they’re more fun and amazing when they show up in your email inbox each week! So, sign up! And, if you prefer, they’ve also been compiled into a beautiful coffee table, bedside inspiration, dinner guest conversation piece book! Click here to see more, and to sign up! It’s absolutely free!
The new arrivals, though, come not by invitation or out of curiosity but because they need work. They are, as Michael Tunkey, head of the China office for the North American firm Cannon Design, says, “refugees from the economic crisis.”
As I’ve shared before, people do in fact Google the darndest things. Recently, someone found my blog when they googled (or more accurately, asked Jeeves) “Why don’t Jamaicans like frogs?”
Click to see I’m not making this up!
Ooooh! Ooooh! I can answer that one! Pick me! Pick me!
Thank you. Ahem.
Now then, the answer is simple. Frogs are disgusting.
As I think about all the various creatures one could encounter growing up in Jamaica, frogs probably rank highest in overall “revulsion factor.” The revulsion factor, in case you’re not aware, is comprised of three components: outdoors, low-dwelling & slimy.
The more of these criteria a particular creature meets, the greater the revulsion factor. So, based on the above, you can see that even rats and roaches don’t rank as high (or low) as frogs do. Rats are dry. Even lizards, of which I have a personal and unmitigated distaste, don’t rank as high (or low) as frogs. Lizards are tree and wall-dwellers.
Of course, if you’re a child growing up in the “country” as I did, then you’d only see frogs come out at night, and it’s a terrifying experience to have to use an outhouse in the late evening, and step on a low-dwelling, slimy, squishy frog. So, there’s also the fear factor too. That’s why Jamaicans don’t like frogs.
Now then, in case you’re wondering, and in anticipation of anyone asking: we also don’t like dogs. Okay, that may be a bit harsh, but for Jamaicans, dogs are outdoor animals. Dogs don’t belong in the house. Dogs don’t belong in your bed. Dogs don’t belong in your bathtub. Dogs don’t belong anywhere near your face. Period. This is how I was raised. So, imagine my absolute horror and trauma, when–as a child–upon arriving in the US and seeing television commercials and situation comedies with dogs in the house, in the bed, in the bathtub, and horror of horrors, licking people’s faces!!!! Egad! Sharing spit with a dog??? I won’t even drink from the same soda bottle as my best friend!! (Do you know where that tongue has been!!!???)
For Jamaicans, pets are functional. Jamaicans don’t buy food for pets. Dogs and cats earn our tolerance and their sustenance–table scraps, bones, and leftovers–by performing necessary tasks for the good of the household. Dogs bark at intruders. Cats catch mice. Got it? Good. Now you can stay. Outside.
If you have any Jamaican friends, you’ve no doubt observed that yes, Jamaicans will own fancy tail guppies and goldfish as pets, but even fish in an aquarium are not exempt from the JPFR (Jamaican Pet Functionality Requirement). Fish serve the function of beautifying the home. And even though we’ll buy food for them, we make that allowance because the food that fish require is not that expensive, and, last but not least, we don’t actually have to touch them. In other words, fish in a bowl are sort of like furniture. They are beautifying, observable, rearrangeable pets–the best type.
In any event, there’s your answer. Have a great day.
Here’s the latest in the series of passion-centered mavericks I’m featuring in the Communal Capitalism series referenced in an earlier post. My cousin, Isa Benn, in Toronto is a filmmaker! She’s posted a brief trailer of what she intends to be a five-part series….Here is the overview:
A brief, yet moving, glimpse of three young girls (Age: 5, 14, 17) and their trials and tribulations throughout one day. Eunice, Savannah and Asa set out to rent a bike, adding some happiness to what we witness as monotony, the absence of authority and poverty. Their euphoria is unexpectedly interrupted by the presence of strange males who rupture a beautiful and sound moment. The story ends with two girls, an apprehensive walk home and a moment of displacement.
Indiegogo.com is another great “support my project” site that allows credible creative folks like Isa to seek your support to complete their projects….and is a great example of …what CNN called “communal capitalism,” [which] demonstrates that even in this difficult economy and with no clear profit potential, people are willing to invest in entities about which they care and in entities that they believe will have a positive impact on their community.”
She’s about 1/4 of the way there! It would mean a lot to me to be able to share her success story and the release of her film in a future post!
CHECK IT OUTmeet her team, read their individual stories and let’s get this film made so we can find out the true significance of the title!
It was the perfect storm. A dangerous combination. Too much time on my hands. The humor of the Rachel Maddow Show. The Republican campaign….and Mitt Romney. I couldn’t help it.
I’m watching the March 30th Rachel Maddow show segment entitled “Friends with Detriments” where she highlights the numerous dubious endorsements Mitt Romney has gotten from various Republican politicians.
Mitt’s friends in high places all seem to endorse him while at the same time, acknowledging quite publicly that Mitt’s not quite the candidate the party had hoped for. In other words, Rachel suggested, “He’s not the best, but vote for Mitt in the meantime….” and immediately, the lyrics “…until the real thing comes along” popped into my head!
Trust me, I fought it. I gave myself a thousand reasons NOT to do this. I’m not into politics. I’m just a humble author and writer. I’m just a non-political Jamaican enjoying my freedom traveling the world. The last thing I want to do is get involved in the political debate. Not to mention, I happen to like the Billie Holiday version of that song.
So many questions. How will this affect my brand? Should I do this under a secret identity? Will I forever ruin people’s association with this beautiful song? Should I use the Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin version instead?
Ultimately, my creativity (i.e. my ego) got the better of me. Quite honestly, I couldn’t be the only one who had the same thought last night. And quite frankly, I didn’t want someone else creating this and getting a million hits on Youtube. After all, Billie Holiday took time out of her busy afterlife to inspire me, and I’ve always dreamt of having a Youtube video go viral.
So, brand be damned. Pishaw to Political correctness! I must do this. All publicity is good publicity, anyway. Just spell my name right.
So, with appropriate and heartfelt apologies to the estate and memory of Billie Holiday, I present to you a campaign ad with my suggestion for Mitt Romney’s new election slogan: “Elect Mitt Romney. Until the Real Thing Comes Along.” Click below to watch it or or visit youtube directly by clicking here
The Jamaican in China gets political!