Walt F.J. Goodridge is....
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© 2010 Walt F.J. Goodridge. All Rights Reserved, but feel free to share with anyone!
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We now resume our
regularly scheduled adventure, already in progress..........
Tales
of Dating and Cereal, (Cereal Dating???)
As I've said to many a friend when discussing inter-cultural and international
dating, "Language is highly overrated." You don't need to share a common spoken
language in order to meet, date or even marry! In fact, I had a friend in college who went
to Brazil, fell in love, and married his new sweetheart all within a week or two, and he didn't
speak a word of Portuguese, and his bride didn't speak a word of English!
Within a few weeks, he was speaking Portuguese and, while I haven't heard
from him in many years, I'll attach my own "...and they lived happily ever after" to
that story. I've always believed that the right motivation is necessary to do just
about anything--like learning a new language in two weeks. So, anyway, my point,
as I've said, is that language is highly overrated!
In fact, in the dating game, I've found that NOT sharing a common language keeps the interactions
between two people basic and uncomplicated. It forces you to get to the essence of
the relationship more quickly when dealing with misunderstandings.
I've found that in a relationship with someone who speaks the same language
(worse if they speak it well and have an advanced vocabulary) you can spend hours
nitpicking every little detail and nuance of "what he said,
she said, he meant, she implied, what did you mean by that?" until the cows come home!"
On the other hand, when you don't have the luxury (or excuse) of hiding under layers of words,
or behind shades of meaning, the discussions are brief, simple, and the end result comes quicker.
You can forgive misunderstandings that are caused by differences in culture and language much
more easily, and get to the essential questions, and answers (Do I love this person? Will I forgive this misunderstanding
and move on? Is the essential attraction and commitment still there? In other
words: I like you. You like me. Let's go!)
Yep, it's pretty basic, perhaps even simplistic, I'll admit, but I never said I ever graduated
to mature or sophisticated levels of dating interaction or romance. Functioning at a
third-grade level is good enough for me!
However, with that said, there ARE some instances where being able to
negotiate the subtleties of language are very useful.
So, I'm here in China, see, learning Chinese (Mandarin to you westerners, Putonghua to
us Easterners), and like many foreigners raised with a foreign "ear," the most challenging
part is learning the tones of Chinese words. Very briefly, the meaning of a sound in Chinese
is determined by the "tone" you use when speaking it. There are four tones to every "word"
and whether you raise, lower, keep flat, or dip-and-raise the tone of the word affects
the meaning--in other words, it becomes a completely different word. This is profoundly
difficult for (former) westerners like me to grasp. Tones for us, affect the emotion
behind a word, not the meaning. About the only similarity we have in English,
is how we raise the tone of the last word when asking a question. Do you know what I mean?
Check
out this link with sound clips for each pronunciation http://mandarin.about.com/od/pronunciation/a/tones.htm high
level – first tone rising
– second tone falling
rising – third tone falling
– fourth tone "Pinyin"
is the system of roman character phonetic representation of Chinese characters Pinyin Chinese Character Meaning Sound Clip mā (ist tone) 媽 mother má (2nd tone) 麻 hemp mǎ
(3rd tone) 馬 horse mà (4th tone) 罵 scold To
a westerner, unaccustomed to differentiating such subtle tones, mā, má, mǎ, and mà sound exactly the
same. To a Chinese person, the subtlety is detectable, and very confusing in trying
to understand a foreigner. (Have you seen my mother's hoofs lately? She's been grazing and galloping
out in the fields for a long time. Do you think I need to re-shoe her?) Similarly,
to a Chinese person, the English words "bowl" and "ball"
sound pretty much the same, and
they might pronounce it as such. However, "I am looking for a
bowl" and
"I am looking for
a ball
would place you in very different locations, and produce quite different
outcomes! That's
"MR." Milk to you, Madam My
friend, Cong (pronounced Tsong), is nice enough to help me practice precise Putonghua
pronunciation. I shared with her some of the challenges I was experiencing during
a recent shopping adventure. I had walked into a store and asked for soy milk. (I
had learned that basic ability back on Saipan, for heaven's sake! I thought
I was an expert!) First a little language lesson. Language
Lesson: Wǒ = I yao =
want (pronounced "Yow" like how) dòujiāng = soymilk (pronounced
dowjyang) I
thought I was saying: Wǒ yao dòujiāng Which
means "I WANT soy milk." When
I practiced it with Cong, she explained to me that what I was actually saying was Wǒ JIAO dòujiāng Which
means "I AM CALLED Soy milk." You
see, what had happened was....jiao (pronounced "Jyow" like
"how") and yao
(pronounced "Yow" like how to
the untrained ear (and that's how I learned it), they are pretty close;. Yep,
sure. Go ahead, laugh. Picture
me as I stride confidently into a store, look the sales clerk/cashier straight in
the eye, and announce: "Hello.
I am called Soy Milk!" HER:
[Blank stare. Perhaps a chuckle] ME:
"I said, I am called Soy Milk!" HER:
"um...pleased to meet you? um... Milk." "That's
Mr. Milk to you, madam!"
Hmmmm.
Something's not going right here.
The
subtle difference between yow and zyow was lost on my foreign ears, so I
confused the two hoping, as I always do, that any compassionate listener would at least be
able to figure
out what I was attempting to communicate in the context of our conversation.
(I've found that to be a very
optimistic expectation, unless the listener is motivated by virtue of being
a good friend or a romantic partner!)
So,
anyway, in such a situation, I have two choices. I can 1.
leave empty-handed, go back home, and eat my breakfast cereal dry. OR 2.
start using foreign hand gestures and sign language to communicate the concept of
soy milk to someone who already thinks I'm a bit strange to be named after
a plant-based beverage. um...hmmmm....well... Dry
cereal's not so bad, really. >sigh< Next
time in the Language Lesson Series: Foreign hand gestures and sign language!
1. JAMAICANS.COM
Jamaican Gold! (the Athletes' secret revealed)
Black Privilege in China
The Secret X-Rated Episode
Germ Theory and China (Yes, I said it!)
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--Walt F.J. Goodridge
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